We're aware of the drama, and we want to be your safest place to hide.
Of course, in BN land, that means we need to make you laugh. And we know you loved AJ's birthday, so here's our latest idea.
Our idea: we developed a VERY simple storyline together. Then each of us in chat was allowed to add a detail. Our test group (thanks again Chels and Luz!), chose our characters, and we had to write our stories without help.
The result: a Backstreet version of the game Telephone.
We'll be adding a new story each night until we run out, and the final addition will be the "true" story--written before the others were posted.
How wild could this get? Well, enough to entertain you while you wait for Nick to sign back into the FC...which could be until Sunday.
The Hangover
Intro
The BN Cast:
AJ ... (Kel)
Brian ... (Sam)
Howie ... (Lady V)
Nick ... (Momma J)
Kevin ... (Dianne)
Narrative/Therapist ... (Beth)
The Therapist
No one enjoys working past office hours, and this therapist was no exception. His golf game had been poor, his luncheon martini had been watery, and he was tired of dealing with rich housewives self-diagnosing themselves with OCD, and executives with power complexes. There was no winning with these patients.
He glanced at his Tag Heur watch, and then at the file his assistant had left. Five more patients, and he could return home.
Then, a realization that made his eyes roll: the patients were court-ordered to attend therapy, all stemming from one incident.
"Crap," he massaged his forehead with his fingers. Not only were they offenders, but they wouldn't be thrilled to be in his office for anger management.
This would be work.
And there wasn't time to review all the information.
Not if he wanted to make it to the Knicks game.
The police report would still be in the file when he had finished his notes.
It could wait. Knowing that there these would be typical sessions would be enough.
He thumped the well-worn button on the intercom. "Please send in the first patient...a Mr. Howie Dorough?"
Howie's Story
*leans forward in his chair uncomfortably*
I really don't need anger management you know I didn't even hit anyone.
*gets no response*
Seriously, I don't know why I'm here.
*again gets no response*
Ok ok So it was AJ's Bachelor party, I should have known it would all end in tears. Thankfully no one knows who I am most of the time, even though I was wearing my "Howie" name tag Kev printed out and gave me. I was hoping being arrested probably wasnt going to end up all over Perez Hilton or anything like that, but it did.
*looks at therapist hopefully*
You know who I am right?
*points at his Howie name tag, still no response*
No?
*Looks sad*
Ok then. That's Nicks fault, in fact the whole situation was all Nick's fault, as usual.
*puts on Nicks voice*
"I know a great club in Vegas dawg, it's a strip joint, the girls wrestle each other in JELLO!"
What Nick failed to mention was it was a strip joint that has MALE strippers on after midnight.
*shakes head*
It was a nightmare from the start, I had to write to leighanne TWICE asking her for permission for Brian to come out for the night! Nick phoned and asked but didn't get much joy; she hung up on him the first time when he said AJ was getting married, the second time when he mentioned the Jello and a third time when he asked if Baylee could come. She sent me back a form to sign in front of my solicitor. I had to sign to say I promised he wasn't going to get into trouble, I had to let him stay at my house and he had to call her every 30 minutes. She's gonna cut my little Latin balls off, that's if my own wife doesn't first.
*Cries for 10 minutes*
She sent Brian with all these little prayer cards to hand out to everyone in the club saying something about saving their souls from sin, that was just the start. Then AJ seemed to know every female stripper there including Miss Lola, who was absolutely huge and looked like Susan Boyle in a bikini, obviously she appeals to a niche market but she didn't really like the prayer card Brian gave her. So I decided the only way to numb the pain was to get Kevin and myself very drunk, I started ordering tequilas. Thankfully this stopped him talking about lawn fertilizer and the correct way to mow your lawn for the rest of the evening.
Unfortunately this didn't stop him trying to request the songs from Chicago . I thought the DJ was going to punch him at one point, he was already sick of Brian and the prayer cards and AJ requesting "Backstreet's Back" over and over again.
I felt a bit bad, you know, because AJ and Nick are not drinking anymore. I'm just a sweet caring guy like that. So me and Kevin were drinking all the alcoholic drinks that kept getting sent over for Nick and AJ it wasn't easy, but we perservered. So we ordered the only non-alcoholic cocktail they had on the menu, I really wish I hadn't bothered.
*Leans right forward and whispers*
Cocktails are supposed to have sexy exotic names like screaming orgasm or sex on the beach. This thing was called Sex in the Ass!
*shudders and sits back*
I should have known what sort of establishment it was by that alone. Ordering it was embarrassing and it tasted like Guacamole and Red bull. Nick twittered about it. I'm pretty sure Brian was pretending to be drunk you know. He kept falling all over the place, maybe leighanne had threatened to Breath-test him next day or something, I dunno. But I'm not going to lie, watching the strippers wrestle in Jello was great! Preventing AJ from leaping in with them wasn't easy.
Nick was getting all the attention from the ladies as usual, AJ had some pretty bunny girls on his lap as did Kev. There were even some girls humouring Brian for a while. No one was paying any attention to me so I took my shirt off, Kevin just told me to put it back on again, so there I am several Tequilas later and decided to go solo for a while. I left the boys to it, Kev annoying the DJ, Brian handing out prayer cards and Nick and AJ drinking Sex in the Ass. Anyway I was out on the dance floor treating the ladies to it a little stealth D action
*Gets up and Salsas whilst winking manically to demonstrate*
I thought that would do it but suddenly the ladies all disappeared. Then the lights go down, the music changes and all these dudes start taking their clothes off on stage to "It's Raining Men". I was most confused and very angry, I marched up to Nick and demanded to know what was going on and he just started to laugh, got his Blackberry out and took a picture of my angry face. It's on twitter now.
Nick then decided we should sneak backstage and look for some female strippers, everyone else thought this was a wonderful idea, even Brian. I had doubts but really didn't want to be left on my own so I followed them. AJ said Miss Lola would look after us. When we got backstage the girls were gone, just this group of male strippers. Brian began handing out the prayer cards, they weren't impressed then suddenly one of them looked at Nick and said, "oh look it's Justin Timberlake." Nick started whining. Another looked at Kevin and said "you're N*sync, arent you?" Kevin launched himself at them shouting that he was being disrespected. That was how the fight started.
*Howie pauses taking a sip of water*
Even Brian weighed in, beating them with his prayer cards and singing "I want it that way, Am I your fire, BANG!"
*punches the air*
"Your one desire, WHACK!"
AJ getting the granny kicked out of him, Nick was pile-driving them. I hid under the makeup table; I like my face the way it is.
This one guy ripped up all Brian's prayer cards Brian was pissed! Well him and this guy ended up tussling and falling out on stage into the big Pit of Jello. It was a right mess. Then Kevin ended up doing the same, Nick had knocked out a couple of them and went out and started to eat the Jello, I'm not quite sure where he got the spoon from.
*pulls confused face*
Well, we heard the police had been called, it wouldnt have been so bad being arrested if Kevin hadn't had the idea of disguising ourselves as male strippers in a bid to evade the police. I was led out of the club handcuffed and in nothing but a bow tie and my black Versace undies. The photos are now plastered all over TMZ and Perez Hilton, oh the shame.
*puts head in hands*
The boys just abandoned me; they claimed they didn't know who I was. Now we have to pay damages to the club and get up and strip on ladies night
Leigh's not talking to me and Leighanne's going to crucify me.
Brian's Story
Brian:" this is confidential right? I mean no one's going to know about this?"
Therapist: "don't worry Mr. Littrell its only between me and the court, now tell me exactly what happened"
Brian: "alright well I wasn't supposed to be there in the first place, my wife said no, and when she says no...look out! Actually one of the reasons she said no is because Nick was going to be there. Kevin got her to let me come out, on one condition I had to hand out these prayer cards from our church"
Therapist: "go on"
Brian: "alright, okay Nick said he knew of this strip club in Vegas that was supposed to be great, however he failed to mention that at midnight it turns into a MALE strip club" *rolls eyes*
"...Anyways, I didn't argue with Nick because he's my bff and also for AJ's sake. since he thinks we messed up his birthday party, but if you ask me, it was awesome"
Therapist: "Mr. Littrell please stay focused"
Brian: "right sorry, anyways we get there and AJ seems to know every stripper in this club, I mean there was Suzy..."
Therapist: "alright I got it...go on"
Brian: "oh right sorry, anyways, Leighanne that's my wife *smiles* told me not to drink so I pretended to act drunk, Kev was talking to someone about grass or something, they walked away. Me and Nick laughed at him. oh could you tell my wife that Nick and I had no interaction whatsoever?"
Therapist: "Mr. Littrell, once again this is only for the court, is there a reason that your wife has a problem with Mr. Carter?"
Brian: "well he's my best friend"
Therapist: "yes you mentioned that"
Brian: "she's just...she doesn't understand"
Therapist: "Mr. Littrell is there any other type of relationship between you and Mr. Carter?"
Brian: "what?! no!...not...not really..."
Therapist: "okay go on"
Brian: "right, okay so Kev and Howie ordered a sex in the ass"
*Therapist looks at him confused*
Brian: "its a drink! and i'm trying to convince people to take these prayer cards, well as you can imagine, no one's listening to me. AJ's getting restless and wants to know why the dancers are taking so long to get onstage, so we all go back into the dressing rooms and there are a bunch of guys standing there half naked! So we tried to leave when someone asked if we were N'SYNC well that set Kevin off and before I know it he's ontop of this guy pounding him. Then, someone knocks Howie, AJ and Nick into the jello pit"
*again therapist looks at him confused*
Brian: "they have a jello pit in the back, so anyways I jump into to save Nick because..."
Therapist: "he's your best friend I know!"
Brian: "so we have to dress up as strippers to get out of there, we forgot Howie, but then again doesn't everyone? so needless to say when the cops got there he was the one who got arrested and..."
Therapist: "...actually Mr. Littrell I have more than enough from you for my evaluation so thank you"
Brian: "but..."
Therapist: "no I insist, please give my regards to your lovely wife..."
Brian: "you think my wife is pretty?" *smiles* "you know I should tell you how we met, funny story, true story..."
*Therapist sits down in chair with his head in his hands"
Howie: People tend to forget me.
Kevin: Wait--when did they let you start talking?
AJ: *looks at Howie* Who are you?
Kevin: Did you take my lines? Because they're MY lines, all four of them.
Howie: Damnit! ... not again ... Howie D ... I'm in the band too ... where's Nick???
Brian: So anyways, AJ wasn't having fun, so we decided to read some fan fic to cheer him up.
Kevin: Wait, I have my Labelmaker....*prints out "Howie D" tag and slaps on Howie's forehead* There.
AJ: Yeah Brian, that was... great. *sighs*
Howie: What the?? ... I can't wear this on my head!
Kevin: Was that when I was arranging the gifts at 90 degree angles?
Brian: I don't know man, this one girl had this brilliant series.
Howie: *puts label on shirt pocket*
Nick: AJ, dawg, please tell me you loved your cake.
Brian: At least I think it was a girl, because I don't think guys write BSB fan fic.
AJ: Erm.... yeah Nick...again... interesting.
Nick: I KNOW Brian loved the cake. After all, he is a boob man!
Howie: It was chocolate Nick ... CHOCOLATE.
AJ: Handing my mom boob cake... that was embarrassing.
Kevin: I thought AJ was allergic to chocolate?
Nick: You just hacked into the wrong bood dude...the other was vanilla.
Kevin: I thought that was in my notes...*pulls out notepad*
Brian: Now guys, don't gang up on Nick, he just forgot.
AJ: Oh.... I wondered why I was so ill!
Kevin: *hands Howie labelmaker* Hey, you, hold this.
Howie: Why would you even put chocolate in the cake?
AJ: You little........ *chokes nick*
Howie: *grabs labelmaker*
Brian: *pulls AJ off of Nick* Stop choking my bff!
AJ: Stay outta this!
Howie: *types "kick me" and sticks on Nick's back* hehehehehe
Nick: I was just trying to please everyone! Get off me, you prick!
Kevin: Children, children.
AJ: You trying to kill me?
Brian: *stands in front of Nick*
AJ: *chokes Nick again*
Kevin: Daddy says chill.
Brian: Leave my best friend alone!
AJ: *points at Nick* He tried to kill me.... on my birthday!!!
Brian: He's just a kid, he made a mistake. Look at this face.
Nick: AJ, I said I'm sorry! I wasn't there to tell you which boob to eat!
Howie: *types "BSB rules", prints 60, sticks them all over the place*
Kevin: Can we talk about my gifts? Because no one appreciated that the paper was lined up on every seam.
AJ: With grass stuck in it.
Kevin: Grass? Wait, I LOST grass?
AJ: Yeah, blades of it, man! STUCK TO THE TAPE!
Kevin: Like...how many blades? Did you save it?
Howie: *types "lawn fanatic", sticks on Kevin's back*
AJ: No! Are you crazy?
Nick: Kevin, chill, man. I got you a whole bag of seed for your birthday. You can replant it!
AJ: I tried to smoke it...
Kevin: *peels "BSB Rules" sticker off arm hair* Because I'm going have to start counting again IF I lost some.... Did someone hear an annoying whining noise?It sounded blond?
Nick: I do not! I do NOT whine!!!
Kevin: He said, whining.
Brian: Hey leave Nick alone!
AJ: *laughs*
Howie: Nick's always whining
Howie: *types "whiner", sticks it on Nick*
AJ: No Howie, it's "wiener."
Kevin: *leans in gives sticker hearty pat to make sure it sticks* There. See? Whiner. This guy over here says so
Nick: *peels sticker off* Dude, you put ONE more f'in label on me and I'm gonna kick your ass!
Howie: oooh ... good one AJ ... *types "weiner", sticks it on Nick* I'd like to see you try, pretty boy.
Brian: And you, you give V back!
Howie: Who's V?
Brian: The one you keep trying to knock of the BN stage!
Kevin: Are you yelling at the camera guy *looks at Howie* wait, ARE you the camera guy?
Howie: Oh, her? ... the Brit? ... hehehe ... those BNP girls never see me coming.
Brian: *pushes Howie and leaves*
AJ: Is this V? *points to blonde girl hiding under the table*
Howie: Ya ya ... that's her! Where are her friends? And don't tell me they're hiding in the hotel.... They like to kick me and throw me and punch me.
Nick: I found their site one time when I was lurking on LD. Them's some funny girls right there!
AJ: She keeps humping my leg.
Kevin: Why would they kick the camera guy?
Kevin's Story
I don't know why I have to be here. I'm not even in the band anymore. I knew I never should have gone to that bachelor party! I told my wife, I said, "baby, I can't go, who's gonna watch the lawn?" But she convinced me to take some time off from all the hard work I've been doing on Broadway. So, against my better judgement, I went down there.
So AJ tells us we just HAVE to go to this great strip club that he heard about. Now strip clubs aren't really my things. I mean sure, I like the naked chicks and all, but that dancing, it's so wild and disorganized, drives me nuts!
So we walk in and I'm REALLY thinking we're gonna need some drinks. But then I remembered, we can't drink with AJ and Nick here, being the eldest, I gotta keep an eye on these yahoos! So I'll admit, I was the one who suggested the non-alcoholic beverages. But I have no idea how we ended up with a pitcher of some drink called "sex in the ass"! And lemme tell ya, it was AWFUL!!! I don't know how people can drink that stuff! Lucky for Brian, Howie, and myself, between the congratulatory drinks being sent over for AJ and the drinks being sent over to the "cute blonde one", we didn't have to drink very much of it.
So the night was going fairly well, I mean sure, AJ was out perusing with Candy, Destiny, Roxy, and the 200 other strippers he seemed to know the names and cup sizes of. And sure, Brian spent most of the night handing out prayer cards to all the "lost souls". And of course Nick was bouncing off the walls with hyperness and Howie kept trying trying to salsa. But considering all of that, things weren't going too badly.
Then, the clock struck mid-night ...
Honestly, at first I thought I was so drunk I was seeing things. But then I saw the other guys's faces and I knew it was true. Male strippers. Everywhere!! Grinding and shaking their junk in our faces. I've never been so horrified in my entire life! We decided the best plan would be to sneak out the back. We didn't need any photographers snapping pictures and making assumptions.
But we must have taken a wrong turn or something because the next thing I know, we're in the stripper's change room! We were totally mortified and just about to run back out when we got stopped by a group of strippers. Now here's the part where we got confused and just overall annoyed. These guys were dressed like a "boy band" and calling themselves the "Backdoor Boys". So baiscally, they are dressed like us in the 90s.
And as if that weren't enough, they take on look at us and say "oh my god, it's N'Sync!" After that thing are a little blurry, but I do remember a fight broke out. Now I was just about to get this one stripper right in the face with some baby oil, but then, out of no where, this other stripper jumps me and knocks the bottle out of my hand. We all went sliding though the oil and BAM! We fell right into the Jello pit some stage hand had left behind. I had Jello EVERYWHERE. Do you know how hard it was to get that stuff out of these eyebrows?!?! Anyways, in the midst of all this I heard sirens. Somebody had called the cops! I knew there was no way we'd be able to just walk out now. So I came up with the best solution I would think of at the time, disguise. Unfortunately all we could find were stripper costumes and so we used what we had and snuck out.
It wasn't until we were in the parking lot that I realized it, there were only 4 of us, Howie wasn't there! We thought about going back but it was just too risky, so we decided to make a run for the hotel and hope for thr best. A few hours later a cop showed up informing us that Howie had been arrested and had confessed the whoel story. A few days later Howie was sentenced to anger management therapy and the judge thought it would be a good idea for all of us to go.
And so that's why I'm here. Clearly this is just all one big misunderstanding. I am perfectly sane and in total control of my anger. Now can be excused? I've got a lawn ... errrrr ... family I need to take care of.
Nick's Story
I'm laying on this couch that is waaaaaay too short. My damn legs hang over the end. One of the things about being tall I guess. "Howie would fit here or Brian, he is a gnome after all" I thought to myself with a giggle. I looked up and noticed the therapist was NOT in a joking mood today. Just my luck. Why the hell am I here anyways? I didn't get myself arrested....that was Howie! For once!!! It's NOT Nick Carter's fault! Can you believe it!?!? I can't! But anyways.
"Where do you want me to start?" I asked the therapist.
"Start off from where you think its relevant Mr. Carter" the therapist said.
I HATE being called Mr. Carter. Especially by a Dr. "Call me Nick please" I asked him. He just continued to stare at his clipboard.
*begins dream sequence*
We were all hyped up about AJ's bachelor party. And of course he wanted to go to a titty bar in Vegas. The one he wanted to go to, the name, was totally AJ...it was called All That Jizz. Is that not AJ or what!?!
Well, we get there and me having ODed on Redbulls beforehand, I was a wee bit hyper. And Brian, well, he was going nuts, running around handing out these prayer cards and dramatically dropping to his knees praying for everyones soul. But, gotta love the guy, after all, he is my BFF!
AJ is in the corner, talking to all these half naked girls...leave it to AJ to know them all by name. Lets see, there's Crystal Lightbottom, Heidi Hoburg, well, you get the picture.
We gather at the bar and they guys have ordered this pitcher of something, which shocked me cuz AJ and Brian promised not to drink. Leave it to them to order a non alcoholic drink called In The Ass. HELLOOOO! Boybanders remember! But, it wasnt that bad. Besides, Howie and Kevin were already feelin it cuz they were intercepting the drinks people were buying for all of us. And Brian, was acting drunk, stumbling around after a few shot so the non stuff...dork..but I joined him and we were bouncing around on the dancefloor.
The clock struck midnight and all of a sudden, on the stage all these half naked men started dancing. Wouldnt you know it...the club becomes a male strip joint after midnight. So we started scrambling to get the hell outta there. We somehow ended up in the damn dressing room of said male strippers. As we burst in, one looks up and goes Hey!!! Its NSync!. Well, this sets Kevin off. He goes after him and a whole fight breaks out. Howies cowering under a vanity. And somehow, we all end up in a pit full of jello. What in the HELL is THAT doing in a dressing room? Wait, I don't wanna know. But even more amazing, on the wall is a little glass box, with a spoon in it, that says break during emergencies. So, I break the glass, grab the spoon and start eating the jello! Cherry!! It's my favorite!!
Someone yells IT'S THE COPS!! We panic, so Kevin decides the only way to get out is to dress up like strippers. I'm sorry, but we were so seen running out of the club dressed in nothing but thongs but we did manage to get away clean. Well, most of us. Poor Howie got arrested. Guess his little Purto Rican ass wasnt fast enough. Those heels really slowed him down. After all, WE were dressed as male strippers. Leave it to Howie to dress as a female one! He was booked, ratted us all out and ordered to Anger Management therapy...along with the rest of us. So, here I am, on this too little couch, talking to you...
AJ's Story
AJ: I just can't stop smiling, man. I know I'm supposed to feel some kind of remorse about getting arrested and all that shit, but seriously, I can't. I just can't get this ridiculous grin off my face. *flashes cheesy smile and throws up jazz hands* Hmmm. Not amused, I see. Yeah, that's pretty typical. Dude, doc, but I got engaged! And she's perfect. Almost as perfect as the last three, but way hotter. She's a redhead now. Whats not to love? I mean, the carpet doesnt match the curtains, but f**k it. She still knows how to get down. AND! When she takes naked pics of me, I don't have to worry about her posting that shit all over the internet. If that's not true love, then I dunno what is.
Therapist: *stares blankly at AJ*
AJ: Ok, ok, ok, so I assume you wanna know what happened that night. Well, it's actually a funny story. You see, I got engaged again. And Vegas is like my second home so it was only natural for my bachelor party to be there. Well, the guys wanted to take me for a night out on the town, just us guys. Kinda like it used to be. People are gonna shit when they hear we did something just the five of us. Its been a while. But of course, we're not allowed to have lives outside of BSB. I still have to call up Kev to ask permission for me and my girl to do the dirty dirty, know what I'm sayin? *wiggles brows*
So there we are, just the five of us. The limo drops us off at this local joint. It's an invitation only gentlemans club that my buddy Chris told me about. He got us on the list. In hindsight, I suppose it makes sense now when he said they kept questioning him if thats the place we really wanted to go.
Now I spend a lot of time at these uh, establishments so its pretty comfortable for me. Brian on the other hand. He just sat there twitching the whole ride over. And Leighanne kept calling Howie to check on him. Personally, I think Leighanne was just pissed cause she wasn't invited. But that's just me. It's not like Brian doesn't have a little big of dog in him. I've seen his porn collection. Dumb Blondes Do Nasty Nuns--if that doesn't scream fetish then I dunno what does. *raises hands defensively* To each their own kinky ways.
Therapist: *yawns*
AJ: I'm sorry, am I boring you? 'Cause I can leave. If you just wanna sign this here paper and send me on my way. *pushes paper across desk* No? Hmmmm, ok. Look, heres the deal. Everyone is gonna try to blame Nick. They always do. But you have to believe me, this time it was all Howie's fault. That pussy cant keep his damn mouth shut and take one for the team. Always gotta do what's right. Normally, I would have thought itd be Brian, but I think the idea of him being associated with a titty bar sent his holy ass rollin out the door with us trying to find an all night confessional. It's Vegas, Brian. If a confessional is open after 10pm in Vegas, it ain't the kind of confessional you lookin for. And you can tell him I said that too.
So my friend Chris tells me about this place. Classy ladies, wrestling in Jello. Jello plus boobs?! Hells yeah! So there we are, making our way inside. Brian starts saying a few Hail Marys and Kev and Howie head straight to the bar. Me and Nick have the sober thing going on, well kinda. I mean for the most part. So I was drinking near beer cause I figure if I drink enough of them I might get a slight buzz and Nick was all about this fruity concoction called Sex in the Ass. I'm sorry, but with a name like that I could only imagine what it tasted like. Based on Howie's face after he tried it, that was not an option. I've seen the shit he eats and if he can't handle it then I'm not goin near it. But Nick loved it. He smiled with every sip he took and kept going back for more. Dunno what that says about him, but ya know.
We make our way through the corridor and my friend Shelby Ray flags me down. I know her from another strip club. She must have been moonlighting there cause she was walking around with her top off and just panties. These silky, red lacy things. And the stockings! Oh man, the stockings! Don't even get me started on the stockings. *shifts crotch and coughs* Anyway, she came over to say hi and naturally I went in for hug. They're almost as good as the real things, know what I mean? That's when Brian kinda lost it. He handed her a Jesus card! Something about saving herself from damnation. What the f**k, who does that?! I yelled at him to put that shit away. He just slurred something back and walked over to a couple of well-dressed dudes in the corner. Again, in hindsight, I wonder if Brian would have done that knowing they were gay and not just at a strip joint. *laughs heartily, scratches beard* Oh boy, good times. Good times.
At this point, I noticed Kev and Howie had been awfully quiet. Howie had a shot of Cuervo in one hand and a Corona in the other. He said he was just trying to get the taste of ass out of his mouth. I don't buy it. Kev too! Double fistin! My man. *pumps chests with fist* Found out later, they were getting all the drinks that were supposed to come to me and Nick. F**kin' lushes. *shakes head* So doc, you see the irony here, right? The ones who usually cause the chaos *points to self* and Nick were actually just innocent bystanders. It was definitely all Howie's fault.
Therapist: *gives AJ a thoughtful look and jots a few notes* I see
AJ: It wasn't until I ran into my other friend, Sunny Ray who informed us that the club goes gay after midnight. I about bust a gut from laughing so hard. Kev looked like he was gonna hurl, and Brian fell fromwell, I dunno why he fell. I hadn't seen him take a sip of anything yet but he was acting sloshed, man. *shakes head*
In an attempt to get a glance at even just a few titties, Nick led us towards the dressing room. We are dudes, after all. It seemed like a good idea at the time, ya know? Again, hindsight. So we make our way around the corner and are greeted by a group of dudes! Again, Im laughing so much it hurts. Howie seemed pretty interested and even asked one of the guys how he got his pecs to jiggle like that. *laughs hysterically* Leave it to Howie. Then one of the strippers made some smart ass boyband/NSync comment and Kev just lost it. I've never seen Kev dive at anyone so fast before. There's your first punch being thrown. I'm still laughing to hard to even get involved. Nick's asking about the Jello, Brians tucking prayer cards inside the dudes g-strings and Howie's drinking straight from the Tequila bottle at this point.
Next thing I know, Kev's screaming maniacally and he's being pushed into a vat of Jello in front of the crowd. They went wild, lemme tell ya. I've seen some crazed fans before, but the gays, well, they just really love the dirty stuff. Nick's face lit up at the sight of the Jello pit and the next thing I know he does a running nose dive into the stuff. Can't take that kid anywhere.
Therapist: *laughs* OK, that was kind of funny.
AJ: I KNOW! Now, at some point the fighting dies down and we hear the sirens. F**k, we can't be seen like this. In the mix of the madness we all dash back into the dressing room grabbing spare costumes. Never thought I'd see the day when Brian willingly dressed up as a half naked cowboy. I hope someone got a picture of that action for Leighanne. She'd probably just get even more pissed that she wasnt there to see it for herself. This is where we lost Howie. 'Cause we're all dashing around the back halls of the strip club and hes just gone. Nowhere to be seen. Nick's running, trying not to let any of his drink spill from the bucket. Kev's stopping at every mirror to check his hair, I think Brian was trying to pray, but maybe forgot the words cause he wasnt making an ounce of sense. And I had to stop to say hi to all the ladies I knew. I didn't wanna be rude, ya know?
No wonder we didn't make it out of there. It's still Howie's fault though. He shoulda just kept his damn mouth shut. Maybe then I wouldn't have to explain to my fourth fiancée what the hell I was doing at a male strip club for my bachelor party. And I wouldnt have to explain to my mother that she didnt always know I was gay. I'm just a momma's boy who knows how to woo the ladies. *nods*
That about sums it up, doc. Wanna know more? 'Cause I'm sure I didn't tell you about Peaches--wow,I wanna shake her tree.
Therapist: *interrupts AJ* No no. Please, God no. I think I've got all I need--you can go now.
Closing
That headache was now a throbbing force.
How could five people have such different stories?
He reviewed his notes.
Finally, he paged back to the papers he had received. There were the names, and the charges.
"As stated by witnesses (see attached list), persons AJ McLean, Kevin Richardson, Howie Dorough, Brian Littrell, and Nickolas Carter, also known as the musical group, Backstreet Boys, entered the gentlemen's club in question at ten pm that night for McLean's bachelor party.
McLean greeted exotic dancers Sparkle Vamp, Lotta Boob, Apple Martini, New Year's Resolution, and Strawberry Cupcake at the door. McLean seemed to be on friendly terms with many of the dancers, although the group is not known to frequent this club.
The group was moved to the VIP lounge, where band members Dorough and Richardson began drinking.
Witnesses report drinks were sent by numerous ladies in the club to various band members, but that Dorough and Richardson drank the majority, while Littrell poured his beverages on the floor. Carter and McLean drank Mountain Dew and non-alcoholic beer, respectively.
At eleven pm, the bartender reported that the group requested a pitcher of the house's non-alcoholic beverage, amused by its sexually suggestive title.
The group continued to drink and called dancers to their table, until twelve pm. Confused by the locally known changeover of the club to an all male revue at midnight, the band members left their table. Other club patrons overheard conversation which led them to believe that the group was intent on locating the female performers, including several obscenities from McLean when the male dancers took the stage.
The Backstreet Boys were next spotted by security personnel entering the employee changing room. Dorough and Richardson both appeared intoxicated, while McLean continued to cuss and began singing raucous British drinking songs. Carter and Littrell, while neither was observed consuming alcohol, were laughing loudly. Littrell handed out prayer cards to exotic dancers along the route, and Carter was repeatedly struck on the back by Dorough--witnesses noted that Carter made what were described as "choking or snorting noises", and that Dorough was not being aggressive, but may have been attempting to dislodge whatever was blocking his airway.
Entering the changing room, the Boys found the male dancers changing, and Richardson began to cuss. The male dancers were alarmed to find customers in their changing area, and dancer BatCan, the club's well known Batman impersonator, asked Dorough, "What is N*Sic [sic, reported by witness] in here to see?"
Dorough then struck BatCan, kicking him in the knee caps. Richardson assaulted another dancer in the process of changing, while Littrell attempted to intervene. McLean again began to sing, mocking the dancers with revised lyrics from his upcoming track "Mr. A", while Carter made what was described as "kung fu noises", and attempted martial arts.
Four male dancers were hospitalized with injuries, while another dancer has been attending therapy stemming from his encounter with "Mr. A." Dorough was arrested on charges of assault and battery, as were Richardson and McLean.
Littrell was charged with soliciting on public property.
Carter was charged with battery, but not assault--his martial arts did not injure any parties present.
It is recommended that the above parties undergo intensive anger management therapy with a therapist approved by their record company, Jive Records.
Millennium
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