We like to operate the site in Backstreet Time.
Unfortunately, this means things sometimes come down to the wire. Like it being the night before AJ's birthday, and we have no material. What's a Noisy girl to do?
Okay, we only actually remembered because Lady V reminded Beth as she was plotting Nick's birthday material. Ooops.
So a big, big Happy Birthday! with a cheesy grin to AJ from Beth.
Well, we thought we'd write a piece on what a Backstreet party would be like. But that seemed rather normal for AJ.
So we assigned each Boy a party job, and then assigned each Boy to a Noisy girl.
So we dropped into a new chat window to brainstorm.
What we got was so funny that our test group (thanks Chels and Luz!) thought we should keep it.
The following is our chat transcript, with our names edited out...and some other editing so Beth wouldn't get all OCD every time she looked at it.
We are happy to bring you our new experiment, the first BSB fanfic as it was written LIVE by the writers:
AJ's Birthday.
AJ's 32nd
Intro
The BN Cast:
AJ ... (Lady V)
Brian ... (Sam)
Howie ... (Dianne)
Nick ... (Momma J)
Kevin ... (Beth)
The camera has been set up.
The lights are cued.
The Boys have taken their seats in anticipation of their new special on AJ's 32nd birthday party.
Eager to begin with the energetic bunch, the camera man switches on his equipment, and asks:
"So what happened?"
AJ's 32nd: Part I
AJ: I was hoping for a huge party in a club, VIP obviously! With a few strippers....
Howie: So I decided to throw the party at one of my hotels b/c obviously cost wise ... it made the most sense ... who dosn't like free, right?
Brian: And I was a bit surprised when they picked me for entertainment, me and AJ obviously have very different tastes. I decided to be the entertainment and sing some songs from my album "Welcome Home" I also found some Christian bingo cards as well, and a pinata that looks like the devil, so we can kill him.
AJ: *shakes head*
Brian: *smiles* He loved it.
Kevin: 'Cuz D is cheap like that, and Brian can't have an unholy party.
Howie: Hey hey ... not cheap ... smart investor!
AJ: Right Howie... of course.
Kevin: Smart investor...has lots of free time....
Brian: And I'm just trying to divert AJ in the right path.
Kevin: I was really surprised I got the call--it's been awhile since I got an invite. *eyes Howie*
Howie: I just had a baby ... do you know how much college costs these days?
Brian: You really are cheap.
Kevin: Not that we didn't like that the invites showed up on paper napkins.
Howie: That was eco friendly paper ... I'm trying to preserve our environment ... climate change ... hello??
Brian: And before the party even started we had to bless the room.
Nick: *blows bubble with bubble gum* I was in charge of the cake and food.
Kevin: Who gave Nick food anyway?
AJ: Yeah... they all worked really hard.
Nick: *looks up from twittering annoyed with Kevin*
Kevin: I had gifts--Howie wanted me to do gifts, because I'm the best at organizing.
AJ: Thank God Howie didn't do gifts.
Brian: Baylee made some decorations.
AJ: They were cute, man.
Howie: So that's why the decorations look like they were put up by a 5 year old! Ya ... I figured we could trust Kev with gifts ... I had to remind him to avoid lawn products though.
Brian: And Leighanne helped out too, she picked out my outfit.
AJ: We could tell, Brian.
Brian: Why is he here again?
Kevin: Plus, gifts, you know, you put on that mountain serenity music, you sit with your scissors and paper.... I like to wrap outside on the lawn--I've been counting my grass for a few years, and I can't lose count.
Nick: Speaking of scissors, did you know that's what it sounds like we say in This Is Us? Some fans on LD brought that up.
Kevin: Nick, we're talking about my gift wrapping. Don't get anything in a bind.
Brian: Yeah I saw some chick at a London concert with a scissors poster.
Howie: Ya Nick ... keep your balls outta this.
AJ: Nick, put the blackberry down.
Nick: Hey! I was really pissed off over that! Besides, we were talkin' about AJ here! Leave my balls outta it!
Kevin: We're really good at staying on topic. Can you tell?
AJ: Hello!!!! My party!!!!
Howie: So it was supposed to be a surprise....but then someone *cough* Nick *cough* ... couldn't keep his mouth shut.
Kevin: Wasn't much of a surprise with Captain Obvious over there.
Brian: *laughs*
Kevin: I mean, I might as well have brought my tap shoes and performed--I'm performing in Chicago on Broadway. Show times are...
Brian: Alright, leave Nick alone, he tried.
Nick: How many times do I have to appologize for that! Yesh!! But, it's ALWAYS the blond's fault..I forgot..
Kevin: And....somehow...we're still talking about Nick.
Nick: Well, I AM the most popular...*cheesy grins*
Howie: Exactly ... and can you stop throwing things at me ... I'm trying to be professional.
Kevin: Because it's alllll about the blond one--is that blackberry attached to you?You know, I was a Versace model.
AJ: It was MY birthday! Not Nick's. And Kev: we don't care. No one cares. Back to my birthday.
Brian: Nick's is coming up soon.
AJ: *sighs*
Nick: Yeah, well, mine IS coming up. Can you believe it? I'm turning the big 30!
AJ: Hello?
AJ's 32nd: Part II
Kevin: D, how do you take this, it's like the Frick and Frack machine went into overdrive.
Brian: I don't know why, but for some reason...I just want to talk about Nick. He's my bff you know.
AJ: Somebody?
Kevin: Doesn't anybody keep these two in line since I left?
Howie: So anyways ... AJ shows up ... and needless to say, he's not impressed.
Kevin: My gifts were good.
Nick: Awwww Roc...I love you man!!!
Brian: *hugs Nick*
Nick: *hugs Brian*
Kevin: You know, in my musical--Chicago on Broadway--I play Billy Flynn, and he would wrap up a mean gift. He doesn't, but he could.
AJ: *puts head in hands*
Kevin: The Friack love is getting to me.... So I wanted to get AJ something special from me,
Nick: *hugs Kevin and then licks his cheek*
Kevin: Except these bozos---AHHHHH!
Brian: *laughs* Good one.
Howie: Now, I thought the location was spectacular ... but between the lousy decorations, the healthy food and the boring presents ... there wasn't much to celebrate.
AJ: *cringes*
Kevin: *shoves nick* Dude, do you know how many germs are in your mouth? *wipes cheek*
Nick: It's ok Kevy. I actually brushed my teeth today.
AJ: *moves well away from Nick*
Kevin: Are we still rolling? Can we cut that? No, please, can we cut that?
Howie: ignore them ... just focus on me ... this is fabulous.
AJ: *shoves Howie*
Nick: Oh come on Kevin, you know the fans love that stuff!
Kevin: No one likes the licking. You've got some kind of fetish going on
Howie: Ok ... so I thought hey ... oowwww! *shoves AJ back*
AJ: Hey man! Birthday boy here!
Nick: Go check YouTube dude. Those vids always get the most views!
Kevin: Oh, is AJ still here?
AJ: Yeah, hi! *waves*
Howie: So I thought hey ... maybe a little salse music to spice things up .... nothing.
Kevin: So the guys sent me all their gifts...because SOMEONE can't be trusted with sharp objects and ADD.
Nick: Kevin...that was just wrong dawg...so wrong.
Brian: So I started to play some songs from my album...again, nothing.
Howie: christian albums and BSB ... that's all we had ...
AJ: Brian, you playing guitar and singing... wasn't a highlight.
Kevin: And there's this beautiful pile of my wrapped presents on the table, which I had to redecorate, because D put a hospital sheet over it.
AJ: Grass stuck in my presents. *shakes head*
AJ's 32nd: Part III
Nick: *gets a panicked look on his face for a second*
Kevin: I found this nice woven mat, and I used some fountains, put on some mood music
Howie: That was a white table cloth ... what's wrong with white?
Kevin: D, we know you stole it.
AJ: I like black anyway.
Kevin: And I can't find Nick's gift. It's like, shoved in the corner.
Howie: Hey hey ... I don't steal ... I'm richer then all of you put together!
Nick: I had AJ's favorite resturant cater. The food was off the chain, man!
Kevin: Everyone else, I had their gift neatly wrapped. Recycled paper, raffia ribbons, bamboo bows....it was nice.
AJ: It was interesting, Nick.
Howie: Ya ... if you wanna call bland interesting ...
Kevin: Yeah, "interesting"'s a good word for that
Nick: What? You didn't like the food? You said you did!
Kevin: "Food"'s also an "interesting" word choice.
AJ: I was being polite, dude.
Brian: I liked it Nick, because you picked it.
Nick: Awww, thank you Frick..at least SOMEONE appreciates me.
Kevin: Were you two separated at birth?
AJ: Dropped at birth.
Howie: Ya ... it wasn't good ... next time .. don't leave Nick in charge of anything!
Nick: *hugs Brian again*
Brian: How do I NOT appreciate my bff?
Kevin: *looks at Bri* You know the world won't fall apart if you don't agree with him, right?
Howie: Aaannnnd they're hugging again ... great.
Kevin: When are they not hugging?
AJ: When Leighanne's here.
Brian: I'm not allowed to hug Nick when Leighanne's around.
Nick: You jealous Kevin? 'Cuz you know, you've known him longer. He IS your cousin, and you've known him all your life.
Kevin: *folds arms* MY cousin.
AJ: *laughs at brian*
Brian: For some reason, she thinks there's something going on between us, isn't that nuts?
Howie: Unlike my wife ... did you know I'm married??
Kevin: So there's the gift table, everything wrapped and labeled with a Labelmaker 101.5-- when did D get married?
Nick: I remember being at D's wedding. We all winked...but him.
Kevin: Was I invited to that?
AJ's 32nd: Part IV
Howie: People tend to forget me.
Kevin: Wait--when did they let you start talking?
AJ: *looks at Howie* Who are you?
Kevin: Did you take my lines? Because they're MY lines, all four of them.
Howie: Damnit! ... not again ... Howie D ... I'm in the band too ... where's Nick???
Brian: So anyways, AJ wasn't having fun, so we decided to read some fan fic to cheer him up.
Kevin: Wait, I have my Labelmaker....*prints out "Howie D" tag and slaps on Howie's forehead* There.
AJ: Yeah Brian, that was... great. *sighs*
Howie: What the?? ... I can't wear this on my head!
Kevin: Was that when I was arranging the gifts at 90 degree angles?
Brian: I don't know man, this one girl had this brilliant series.
Howie: *puts label on shirt pocket*
Nick: AJ, dawg, please tell me you loved your cake.
Brian: At least I think it was a girl, because I don't think guys write BSB fan fic.
AJ: Erm.... yeah Nick...again... interesting.
Nick: I KNOW Brian loved the cake. After all, he is a boob man!
Howie: It was chocolate Nick ... CHOCOLATE.
AJ: Handing my mom boob cake... that was embarrassing.
Kevin: I thought AJ was allergic to chocolate?
Nick: You just hacked into the wrong bood dude...the other was vanilla.
Kevin: I thought that was in my notes...*pulls out notepad*
Brian: Now guys, don't gang up on Nick, he just forgot.
AJ: Oh.... I wondered why I was so ill!
Kevin: *hands Howie labelmaker* Hey, you, hold this.
Howie: Why would you even put chocolate in the cake?
AJ: You little........ *chokes nick*
Howie: *grabs labelmaker*
Brian: *pulls AJ off of Nick* Stop choking my bff!
AJ: Stay outta this!
Howie: *types "kick me" and sticks on Nick's back* hehehehehe
Nick: I was just trying to please everyone! Get off me, you prick!
Kevin: Children, children.
AJ: You trying to kill me?
Brian: *stands in front of Nick*
AJ: *chokes Nick again*
Kevin: Daddy says chill.
Brian: Leave my best friend alone!
AJ: *points at Nick* He tried to kill me.... on my birthday!!!
Brian: He's just a kid, he made a mistake. Look at this face.
Nick: AJ, I said I'm sorry! I wasn't there to tell you which boob to eat!
Howie: *types "BSB rules", prints 60, sticks them all over the place*
Kevin: Can we talk about my gifts? Because no one appreciated that the paper was lined up on every seam.
AJ: With grass stuck in it.
Kevin: Grass? Wait, I LOST grass?
AJ: Yeah, blades of it, man! STUCK TO THE TAPE!
Kevin: Like...how many blades? Did you save it?
Howie: *types "lawn fanatic", sticks on Kevin's back*
AJ: No! Are you crazy?
Nick: Kevin, chill, man. I got you a whole bag of seed for your birthday. You can replant it!
AJ: I tried to smoke it...
Kevin: *peels "BSB Rules" sticker off arm hair* Because I'm going have to start counting again IF I lost some.... Did someone hear an annoying whining noise?It sounded blond?
Nick: I do not! I do NOT whine!!!
Kevin: He said, whining.
Brian: Hey leave Nick alone!
AJ: *laughs*
Howie: Nick's always whining
Howie: *types "whiner", sticks it on Nick*
AJ: No Howie, it's "wiener."
Kevin: *leans in gives sticker hearty pat to make sure it sticks* There. See? Whiner. This guy over here says so
Nick: *peels sticker off* Dude, you put ONE more f'in label on me and I'm gonna kick your ass!
Howie: oooh ... good one AJ ... *types "weiner", sticks it on Nick* I'd like to see you try, pretty boy.
Brian: And you, you give V back!
Howie: Who's V?
Brian: The one you keep trying to knock of the BN stage!
Kevin: Are you yelling at the camera guy *looks at Howie* wait, ARE you the camera guy?
Howie: Oh, her? ... the Brit? ... hehehe ... those BNP girls never see me coming.
Brian: *pushes Howie and leaves*
AJ: Is this V? *points to blonde girl hiding under the table*
Howie: Ya ya ... that's her! Where are her friends? And don't tell me they're hiding in the hotel.... They like to kick me and throw me and punch me.
Nick: I found their site one time when I was lurking on LD. Them's some funny girls right there!
AJ: She keeps humping my leg.
Kevin: Why would they kick the camera guy?
AJ's 32nd: Part V
Sam: By the way, Nick, Brian you guys are really hot and I think the two of you should make a sex tape bye! *takes V and runs*
AJ: *looks around* What was that about?
Howie: That one was Sam ... she likes manlove ... *gag*
Kevin: Crazed fans? You know, when I was in Chicago on Broadway,
AJ: Where is our security?
Kevin: You guys cut back on security?
Nick: I think Q is flirtin' with pretty girls again and failing on his job....
AJ: Howie did.
Kevin: What, do you just throw Nick out at the fans and hope that helps?
Howie: My security plus Q is good enough!
Nick: Kevin!! Don't give them any ideas!
Howie: That's actually a good idea Kev ... help me corner him.
AJ: *looks at Nick and laughs*
Kevin: Turns out, being a BSB--NOT like being president. I don't get retroactive security. I have to put out spotlights on my lawn. Took me days to itemize how many troops we lost on that one.
Nick: Oh dear Kevin..did you actually have to destroy a blade of grass to do that?
AJ: Hehe, I think he did.
Kevin: Several. *pouts* Bri, where are you goin'?
AJ: That must have been terrible.
Brian: can you believe that? she wants me to make a sex tape with him?! that's disgusting. *whispers to Nick* I hope you burned it!
Kevin: You can't leave me alone with the flip over here.
Nick: Dude! That's just sick!!--No dawg, YOU were supposed to!
Kevin: And this camera guy is sitting awful close. *eyes Howie*
Brian: *stretches* well uh i'm going to uh look for something. Bye.
AJ: *looks at Nick and Brian* What did u say?
Brian: Nothing! *races out of there*
Nick: Howie's still mad at me cuz I didn't have any ASS beer for the party.
Kevin: Look for something? Is that his new code for the bathroom?
Nick: *looks up from his blackberry* What, AJ?
Howie: Yes ... more camera time for Sweet D!
AJ: Never mind, I don't wanna know.
Kevin: Camera time? Why would we give a camera guy camera time?
Howie: Anyways, it was a nice place, right?
Kevin: Wait, why do you have my labelmaker?
Brian: *banging comes from another room, Brian re-enters with a baseball bat* Sorry
AJ: *looks at Nick's back* Wiener, hehehe.
Howie: I'm not the camera guy ... I'm Howie ... see?? *points to label*
Kevin: Who authorized that label?
Howie: *kicks Nick* hehehehehe
Brian: What'd I miss?
Nick: Howie!!! dammit!!!
AJ: What's with the bat, Brian?
Brian: I just went to get this baseball bat.
Nick: Brian, get that damn label off my back..please? *glares at Howie*
Brian: Oh, I just want to hold it, not Iike I was smashing anything.... *whispers to Nick* go burn the tape!
Kevin: You know, I played baseball in high school. and football. And then I played Billy Flynn in Chicago on Broadway.
AJ: No one cares, Kev. Back to my birthday! ME ME ME!!!!!
Kevin: When did AJ get so grouchy? So I find Nick's present jammed behind everything.
Nick: He usually is a happy guy..but today..BUT todayyyy...he's pissed off..
Howie: yes ... back to AJ's birthday ... so you loved the location right?
Kevin: And it's NOT wrapped in pre-approved recycled paper.
Nick: My what?
Kevin: Present, doofus.
AJ: Erm... it was ok, Howie, I guess.
Kevin: The location was nice. If you like community centers.
Nick: Ohhhhhh yeah...that. I forgot....
AJ: I wanted the playboy mansion! And bunnies.
Howie: Community center?!
Kevin: And seniors milling about, trying to take your cake.
AJ: Lots and lots of playboy bunnies. *dreams*
Kevin: I had an eighty year old stuck to my leg for an hour.
Howie: AJ ... do you know how much that would cost??
Kevin: More than Howie's tax return.
Nick: Awwww...lots of fluffy bunnies...
AJ: Am I not worth it?
Brian: Well, I'm feeling a little chilly, excuse me a minute. *leaves again*
Kevin: Bri gets cold without a wife wrapped around him.Or a Wylee scarf.
Howie: Well ... actually ... my hotel is just as nice as the playboy mansion and it's FREE.
AJ: No Howie: there were no bunnies. And the only boobs were on the cake.
Brian: *comes back with a gas can* That's better.
Howie: Blame Brian ... he was in charge of entertainment.
AJ: I wanted BOOBS!
Brian: No one liked my album?
AJ: I got you four!
Kevin: B, keep that away from the blond one, the little pyro.
Nick: I noticed Bri didn't have his usual life preserver vest on. Was wondering when he would get cold.
AJ: He keeps trying to steal my hat.
Nick: WHAT? When have I EVER set anything on fire? Oh wait...forget I asked....
Howie: *starts to salsa for the camera man*
Kevin: And why was it so dang cold? Didn't D turn the heat on? Could we not afford heat?
Howie: Just salsa ... that'll warm things up ... who needs heat!
Kevin: Oh, that's the camera guy. Kkind of mean that everyone left Howie home and brought this guy instead.
AJ: Well the camera guy's scaring me.
Howie: NO!!! ... ugggghhh .... Howie!!! ... *points to label*
Kevin: *pats on back* Suuuuuurrre.
Nick: The camera guy's been lookin' me up and down for a while now...it's creepin' me out a bit.
AJ: He keeps winking at me.
Nick: No dude, he's been winking at ME....
AJ's 32nd: Part VI
Howie: Alright, I've had enough ... *runs out*
AJ: No Nick, me.
Kevin: Why do we care who the camera guy hits on? "Nick me"?
Brian: Who's been winking at Nick? Back off bitch, he's mine!!
AJ: Not everyone wants to screw you.
Nick: 'Cuz everyone knows I'M the cute one!
Kevin: You guys have gotten violent. I'm gonna need to meditate soon.
Howie: *comes back with Dizzle, Bizzle & Jen* Go get him girls!!!
AJ: Kev... no one cares!
Kevin: Who keeps bringing all these girls in for Nick?
Howie: And for the rest of you ... don't make me get Bianca!!!
AJ: Where are mine? It's MY birthday!
Kevin: I mean, it's mean that the blonde one kicked Howie. You ARE Howie, right? That's what we're calling you?
AJ: *pokes Howie* I dunno man. Could be anyone.
Kevin: I mean, it's cool you got a stand in, and I'll call him Howie, but he seems kinda uppity.
Nick: Oh God AJ, I know of this Bianca.That girl is gonna break you in two, dude!
Howie: Yes ... I'm Howie!
AJ: *looks up* Really?
Howie: And don't say you didn't ask for this ... *runs out*
Kevin: Guys, I don't think that's Howie.
Howie: *runs back in with the rest of the Noisy Girls* I would start running if I were you!
Kevin: Really? How many people are we bringing in here? Hi, I'm Kev, and I was in the musical Chicago.
AJ: *examines howie*
Brian: Howie! Get him!
AJ: They seem to think it's Howie.
Nick: Which one's Howie? *starts licking everyone's forehead*
Kevin: They also like to think Nick's a virgin. *snickers*
Howie: *sits back as Noisy Girls attack other BSB* ...Sometimes it's good to be Howie.
AJ: *mimics Kev* iIwas in Chicago, bla bla blahhhhhh!
Howie: Ew! ... did Nick just lick me??
Kevin: I NEVER had a line that was "blah blah blah."
AJ: That's all I heard.
Nick: I did. But you weren't Howie...no salsa flavor....
Howie: *winks* ...How about now?
AJ: "Blah blah chicago... blah blah blah."
Howie: And uh, Nick ... you have like 5 girls hanging off you!
Kevin: *stands up, throws arms out* ALLLLL I CARE ABOUT IS LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEE!
AJ: *looks up at Kev* Dude...sit the hell down.
Kevin: Where's Bri going?
AJ: Said something about a bonfire.
Howie: Bonfire?
Kevin: A bonfire? But that kills grass.
AJ: And destroying the evidence.
Howie: NOT IN THE HOTEL!!!
AJ: I wonder what he's on about... Nick?
Nick: *basks in the fan love*
Kevin: Nympho.
AJ: I used to be a nympho.
Nick: You're just jealous...but I'd still love to bone your wife....
Kevin: IIIII DON'T CARE ABOUT EXPENSIVE THINGS, CASHMERE COATS, DIAMOND RINGS,
Howie: What? V and Kel aren't enough for you AJ?
AJ: I have fans? I mean...I love my fans!
Kevin: *backhands Nick* DON'T MEAN A THING, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS LOOOOOOVE!
Howie: Ya ... they're hanging off you're legs ... look down.
AJ: Do they have presents? *looks down*
Kevin: and this is where the chorus girls sing, "all he cares about is love."
AJ: Hello!
Kevin: Oh, the gifts.
Nick: *looks shocked* BRIANNN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kevin: So nick's isn't wrapped right, but I hand it to AJ anyway.
AJ: I smell burning.
Howie: Oooohhh ... did you guys see that Bianca just tackled Kevin
AJ: Thanks Kev.
Kevin: HELP!
AJ: woah! kevs got his hand full *laughs*
Kevin: All I care about is breathing! *struggles out of b's persistent clutches* So I give it to AJ, and Nick over here gets all excited.
Howie: *laughs to keep from crying b/c he gets no love*
Kevin: Why is the camera guy tearing up?
Nick: Oh God...this is soooo embarrassing....
Kevin: GIVE EM THE OLD RAZZLE DAZZLE...
AJ: *shouts* KEEEEEEEEVVVVVV shut up! Thanks for that, Nick...I half expected you would forget
Kevin: TAAAARRR AND FEATTHHHHER EM! And what was it?
Nick: *looks nervous* Dude, I'd NEVER forget.
Kevin: Psp? Wii? A DICTIONARY?
AJ: I couldn't believe you remembered. *hugs nick*
Howie: I give up ... *grabs the camera* ... I can take over from here.
Kevin: Oh good, the camera guy's gonna work now. Have you been on the clock this whole time?
Howie: Ya ... camera guy sure ...
Kevin: Can I have my labelmaker back now that you're done pretending to be Howie? Because I need to re-label you--that label's no longer approved *yanks off*
Howie: Whatever ... fine ... I'm the camera guy ... maybe I'll get more attention this way ... it works for Justin.
Kevin: *whispers to AJ* Who's Justin?
AJ: Look, anyway.... back to my party!! Nick bought me some Mac products... all black... he's the greatest.
Kevin: Oooh, computer stuff? Mac is eco friendly.
Howie: Niiiiiiice. Good job Nick ... for once!
AJ: No... make up.
Nick: Did you like it?
AJ: Guyliner. Yeah dude, it's awesome.
Kevin: Make up? Really? Still? And Nick bought this? With money?
AJ: Yeah, what's wrong with MAC? Guyliner is awesome! Makes my eyes look pretty.
Nick: No...I bought it with my good looks!
Howie: You know that stuff is rediculously over priced ... if you just go to the drug store ...
Kevin: *smacks Nick* Don't talk back to your elders. Sure "Howie", or you could just dig it out of trash--that's even cheaper.
AJ: Who asked the camera guy... just get a close up of the guyliner!
Kevin: *leans over to AJ* You know, he does a good Howie, maybe you should keep him.
Nick: Well!! Don't talk to me like I'm still 12!! *hold throbbing cheek, whine whine whine*
Kevin: Did you like your party, AJ?
AJ: It needed more boobs, to be honest.
Howie: Do you guys smell smoke?
Nick: The cake was boobs! I tried Spencers but they were outta the boob confettii....
Kevin: Smoke? Huh. Yeah.
AJ: Burning, I told you earlier.
Kevin: Hope no one's smoking.
AJ: Don't look at me.
Kevin: It's bad for the environment.
Howie: AJ, you weren't smoking in my hotel, were you?
Nick: don't look at me! I quite when I got on my health kick.
AJ: No, Howie... outside in the smoking area.
Kevin: There's smoke coming through the doorway.....
AJ: Hang on... where's my lighter? *pats self down*
Howie: I hope so ... heeey ... you called me Howie ... *goes to hug AJ*
Kevin: Someone's carbon footprint is going UP.
Howie: Smoke?!?!
AJ: *shoves Howie off* Hang on.... where IS my lighter? *screams like a girl* smoke there *points*
Howie: *runs towards the door*
Kevin: Is Brain of Pinky and the Brain back? AHHHHH!
Howie: FIRRRRREEEEE
Kevin: FIRE!
AJ: *jumps on chair* Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!
Kevin: Someone save the footage!
Nick: FIRE!!!!!!! *runs in circles*
Howie: Nooooo .... my precious hotel!!!
AJ: NO no no! I don't want to die!
Kevin: WHERE'S MY LABEL MAKER? Hotel? This is HOWIE'S hotel?!
Howie: *dials 911*
AJ: We are all gonna die!!!!!! *flaps*
Nick: Forget your f'in label maker Kev! I'll buy you a new one!
AJ: I'm too sexy to die!
Howie: Yes ... my hotel is on fire ... hurrryyyyy!
AJ: Where's Brian? I need to pray!
Nick: AJ...if I die, we loose 90% of our fanbase!
Kevin: *runs out* Save the GRASS! GIVE 'EM A SHOW THAT'S SO SPLENDIFOROUS....
AJ: Nick, nooooo!
Howie: *dials insurance company*
AJ: Nick, save your face! Jump out the window!
Nick: *covers face and runs out the door*
AJ: *smashes window dramtically*
Howie: No ... I cannot hold...it's an emergency!... my hotel is on FIRE!!
AJ: HOWIE!
Howie: But, but ....the hotel....
AJ: I'm to sexy to die man.... *jumps out window*
Howie: What do you mean, it's not covered??... I can't pay for this!!!
Nick: *runs back in* Howie, get off the damn phone!! *picks up Howie and runs out again*
Closing
Bewildered, the camera man slowly takes apart his tripod, and makes his way out, following the wisp of smoke. At the end, he finds Brian, double wrapped in life preserver, Wylee scarf, and winter gear, happily toasting marshmallows for smores over a bonfire in a hotel planter, and chatting away with the BN girls. Shaking his head, the camera man shoulders his bag, and leaves wondering:
"How am I ever going to turn this into a program?"
Happy Birthday AJ, from the girls at BN!
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Millennium
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